So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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