i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
