you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
