I puked a lego.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just high enough for therapy.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
