The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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