What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
