I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
