I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
