i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
