Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
