from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
