I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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