remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
