my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
