just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
