You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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