I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Is Oprah even human
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
