I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
