Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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