"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
