Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
