And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
