At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
