You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
