does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
