Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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