I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
