you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
