The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
