I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
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