You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
