Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
