So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
