i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
