you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't deserve a penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
