I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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