He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
