is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
