Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
