His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
