oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
