real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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