1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
