wrigley field is MILF paradise
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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