I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
