this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
