Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
