My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
