Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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