Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
